It was reported that Madonna's new single was a flop but actually since she was now single she was wearing a floppy hat as an analogy to her recent marriage.
Captured on camera in disguise at her local boozer, Madge looked the worse for wear slugging back another bottle as she drowned her sorrows.
"It's only my second." she insisted, though no-one knew if she meant drink or hubbies.
Asked why it had been such a big flop, she replied it was the only one she could find at the time but she'd persevered, balancing work and family duties but eventually had to cut holes to see because there were too many obstacles to overcome.
She admitted that with hindsight it may have been the wrong choice, but there had been some benefits. "It has protected me from the rain but maybe it's time to face the real world."
Everyone in the room started to cry.
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