I loved my mum and dad, like any young child does. I looked up to my dad as a god. He was who I wanted to be like, my protector and the main influence in my life. This, in itself, is not anything unusual and most children look up to their parents and see what what they want to be.
The influence of my dad was more relevant as he and my paternal mother had seperated when I was four. As a boy of six, I didn't know anything about how our situation became like this. It just seemed to have been this way because that was all I could remember, or so I thought.
My stepmother, Penny, I knew wasn't my real mother, because I had attended their wedding at the Registrar in West Maitland Street in 1968. The wedding day was full of excitement and anticipation as all the family would be attending at a hotel down near Gypsy Brae, on the coast and close to Muirhouse.
At the time, I lived with my dad at my gran and grandad McNeils flat in Ferry Road Drive. We shared the accommodation with my dad's two brothers (Jack and Murdo) and his sister (Jean). My gran, unknown to me at the time, was in her second marriage, and they had moved from Dummiedykes (close to the Royal Mile) out to Pilton. My dad's brothers and sisters were to her second marriage and my dad had retained his paternal father's surname, Hill.
From the local nursery, I started attending Craigmuir Primary School, to which my aunt Jean would walk me to the school.
As we walked to school, we would pass a series of tower blocks and I remember us talking about a dead body having been found there which had been decapitated. The rumour was that it had been done by "Bible John". It goes to show that although we were young children, there was an awareness of what was happening in the news or overhearing conversations among adults, because at that time there were a series of murders, in Glasgow, which had been associated with a man who had been tagged "Bible John" due to a witness stating he quoted from the bible. Our version was a mash-up of different stories, but the walk to school for a few days was one of apprehension.
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| Pilton flats in disrepair |
At this time, television was really starting to cater for kids. Popular programmes included Robin Hood and the Gerry Anderson programmes, such as Captain Scarlet, the Thunderbirds, Batman and the Green Hornet and the Lone Ranger. from the USA.
Our flat always seemed abuzz with noise and activity. My aunt, who was a teenager, was fond of The Beatles and The Rolling Stones. The radio or tv seemed to be perpetually on. My uncles, who were both working, would come in talking about the day's events while my gran would prepare the evening meal, while I would play with my merchandise toys from the tv programmes I watched.
There was one occasion where I really cause a commotion by getting myself locked in the toilet. On the other side of the door I could hear voices instructing, cajoling and encouraging me to unlock the door, talking amongst themselves and a panic setting in, but it had got stuck. Eventually, one of my uncles climbed up the drainpipe and in through the window to get me out.
Sunday was the day my dad would take me for a walk in the area. I had a red and white metal tricycle with petal shaped holes on the front wheel. He would attach a length of string to the handlebars and pull me along, but on one day the tricycle tipped over and I landed on my face, leaving a gash on my cheek and a permanent, though not obvious, scar. Not that events like these made you any less cautious. With my friends, we would play out in the streets and back gardens.
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| In the communal gardens with friends |
Bazooka Joe bubble gum was popular for chewing on, because it came with a small cartoon strip about the cartoon character. We would chomp and chomp, blowing the biggest bubbles we could make until it burst and splatted all over our faces.
Some of us had Rocket Bangers. These were plastic shaped space rockets, weighted at the end with a flat metal tip. Small gunpowder caps were placed in the toy and thrown up into the air. As they hurtled down, the weighted end would hit the ground, exploding the cap and making a loud bang!
Catapults were also very popular with the boys so we could fire small stones at anything that looked worth hitting, while another popular game was getting a piece of metal and attaching it to a long length of string. We would then drop the metal into the gutter drains, that ran along the road at the side of the pavements, and listening out for the splash as it hit (what we though was just water) the sewage that ran underground. We would haul up the metal cylinders and drop them again.
The day the Rag and Bone man came along the street was one to cherish. He would call out for any old rags and on hearing his voice I would annoy my gran until I got something to take down and get a balloon. He stood there in an old suit and flat cap, his immense horse standing behind, ready to continue pulling the cart along the road.
It was during this time that my dad had announced that he would be remarrying. I had already started to meet some of our new family, including new cousins. One cousin who I built a strong relationship was Darren, who was a year older than me. Because of this closeness in ages, we would become as close as brothers right through into adulthood.
Visits from my new mum increased in frequency and outings to the park became more common as well as trips to other family members' homes.
And so it was that in early 1968 the wedding was arranged.
On the day of the wedding everyone was rushing about, getting prepared and making sure nothing had been forgotten. The fevered excitement was infectious and I was looking forward to playing with my cousins and getting cake, juice and anything sugar based that was available.
It was a beautiful sunny day and after the formalities at the Registrar Office, everyone headed to The Commodore Hotel for the reception. Kids ran around the feet of chattering adults, tugging at suit tails, asking for juice, shouting and laughing. Adults lighting up cigarettes, buying in the rounds of drinks, shaking hands with friends they hadn't seen for ages. The happy couple centre stage, both grinning from ear to ear.
The Hotel stood amongst large grounds overlooking the shore and the Firth of Forth, so it was ideal for the kids to go outside and run around like demented beings, rolling down the hill in our new clothes, chasing each other amongst the laughter and hilarity.
The afternoon seemed to last an eternity as we exhausted ourselves then refilled on sugar drinks, but eventually it was time for the bride and groom to depart on their honeymoon and I would return to my grandparents.
Back in Pilton, I was refreshed and told to change my clothes. I still had energy to burn and wanted to go out and play with a friend, an Asian boy, who stayed across the road. My grandparents were probably exhausted, so it was easier to give in to my demands.
I ran out the front door and down the concrete stairway towards the light shining through the stairwell door. I was in such a happy frame of mind. It had been a great day. I had got to see my cousins. I felt like part of a family. In motion, my eyes were fixed on the entrance door to the flats across the road. I was looking forward to playing for a while longer. I wanted to tell him about the day I had and what me and my cousins had got up to.
I passed the mesh fencing running parallel to the path that led to the street pavement. It was still mild. My friend's home was closing in.
Then suddenly darkness. Memory erased. Unconscious. No senses operating. Nothingness.
I don't have any recollection of the moment, but my parents were quickly informed that I had been hit by a car and they should get back immediately.
There is no memory of the subsequent events. No memory of being in hospital. No documentation seen on what injuries were inflicted. No information by anyone. But I do know that my parents cancelled their honeymoon.
Years later, when I was in my early thirties, a friend was studying Psychology and part of her course was hypnotherapy.
She offered to do some regression sessions, so one night I lay back and went under hypnosis. My friend started at zero and counted up until she said "five". All of a sudden a fantastic white light exploded in front of my eyes, like a nuclear bomb going off and a shuddering sensation. It transpired that I had suddenly gone into a convulsion (and she felt quite out of her depth at that moment).
After the session I explained what had happened and we agreed to do another session, focusing on the moment. This time I would be involved in an out of body experience, where, my adult self stood behind the five year old boy, facing the oncoming car (a white Hillman in my vision) with my arms around him, reassuring him that it was ok. Like a movie film caught in a loop, the moment replayed and replayed.
And then I woke.